The story of a sexually abused child

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He was once in the trap himself, but he's free now. He's fought a battle with life for life. In fact, he's emerged to be a stronger individual.

You can see him running the Standard Chartered Marathon on 17th January 2010 for Child Sexual Abuse, on behalf of an NGO called Arpan.
To support Harish Iyer please visit www.Hope-Runs.Blogspot.Com.

Read his life in his own words...




Q) How do you want us to address you, your name please?

Harish Iyer is my name. Aham is my pen name. You could choose call me either.

Q) Is your name related to your past?

Not really, I just was  sick and tired of preconceived perceptions associated with surnames. Aham is neutral, it speaks about the pride, I take in being myself. Unapologetically and with trace of shyness.

Q) How old were you when you first felt violated?

We needn’t mince words. I was first sexually abused when I was 6 ½ -7yrs.

Q) What about your parents, can you elaborate on them please?

I am not close to my father. I did tell my mother a couple of times, that I was bleeding from my anus. She thought it was because of the heat. She had no clue that such a thing could happen to a male child.

Q) Would you like to divulge into the details of the abuser?

Not really.

Q) Were you always alone when you were attacked?

Yes, people would be around but they would be sleeping. I couldn't utter a word as I feared the outcome. Well, the crime mostly took place in their absence.

Q) Did you ever have anybody to discuss this topic/issue of being physically violated?

I discussed with a friend, when I was in class 8th. Surprisingly, my friend didn't act shocked. Instead he asked me to forget it all, by quoting “It Happens”. After that, I found rescue in the arms of my dog. He wasn't human but helped me tremendously during this mental trauma.

Q) Till what age were you sexually abused and how did you retaliate?   

I was abused till the age of 18. Not that i didn't try before, but it just took me a kick and a firm “No” to stop.

Q) Don't you feel like punishing the criminal for his sins?

Sadly, there is no law against child sexual abuse. Victims of child sexual abuse are tried under the rape law… which speaks about “outraging the modesty of a woman”. I wish  some action is taken into the same, before its too late.

Q) What or who helped you the most during this phase of sexual abuse?

My dog – 'Jimmy'. He listened to me whenever I needed to vent… licked my tears and comforted me in a way no human could or would. He's a dog but in many ways he has demonstrated his kind, spelled inversely i.e. GOD.

Q) Do you have recurring nightmares of your past?

This may seem surprising to many, but my answer is “NO”. I have left my past in past, and its present where i live. I want absolutely no relation with the people who gave me a troubled past.
Hate too is a relation and no one is worth it!

Q) Have you ever discussed this issue/topic in open, i.e. to a psychologist or therapist?

I'm talking to you, so yes I have discussed this issue openly. However, I haven't been to a psychologist or therapist.  

Q) Have you ever experienced love (irrespective of gender)?

Yes I have. But as of now I'm single.

Q) As of today, would you call yourself happy?

Yes, I am very happy.

Q) How can parents safeguard their children from such an act, would you give us some suggestions?

Firstly, its very important for parents to exercise open communication. Especially for sensitive topics like sex, sex education, AIDS, condoms etc. Most of the people don't even know how to address private parts till college.

We need to stop using vulgar words to describe them, after all an eye is an eye… a nose is a nose… a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina.

Secondly, parents should distinguish between a good touch and bad touch. This helps the child in understanding what's right and what's wrong. In fact, this helps the child  to get comfortable with his/her body.

While parents could initiate discussions at home, schools should also emphasize on the same. Special classes/lectures in schools and colleges could teach the children in presence of their peers.

Its important that information goes through right channels as there are many monstrous sex tutors waiting to coach.

Finally, a basic fact that should be drilled into our minds is – Sex Education is not pornography.

Q) We would like to hear a statement that reveals the true you?

“Main Khud Ka Favorite Hu”.
I love myself too much and I live 'in the moment'. (Don't confuse it for arrogance, its sheer pride).

Author: Shivalika Sharma | Published Nov 19, 2009 | 09:47 AM

I write for the love of it. I get inspired like that. Simply because, inspiration can come from anywhere and in any form....